I Hit a Wall

Hello!

It’s nice to be here with you all again. I must admit, however, that during this extended lockdown in Zimbabwe due to Covid-19, that I tend to think that there’s not much to update you on. It seems like there are now three era’s to our lives; that there was our life Pre-Covid, During Covid, and the life we dream of Post-Covid.

But, regardless of our circumstances, we each have to choose to carry on with the important things, re-think the lower priority things, and take advantage of this time to make sure we are living our best lives. So for me, During Covid hasn’t looked too different from Pre-Covid, in terms of where we live, what we do, and who we do it with. We still are at Ebenezer Trust Farm in Matopos, Zimbabwe. We still walk alongside apprentices, working with them in the dairy and the demonstration garden, and we still get to disciple them in their faith.

Here are some photos from the June Graduation- the first graduation we've gotten to be a part of since joining Ebenezer:

---

The challenge for me has been more Zimbabwe-based during this time, with the economy doing crazy things, businesses being closed that we are supposed to be working with, and having travel restrictions in place. These may seem like bigger obstacles than what you’re dealing with during Covid, or more likely, they are less than what you’re dealing with. I’m not here for us to compare! We each will have our own survival stories of 2020, and we all must remember our triumphs and cheer each other on through the struggles.

Amidst the economic struggles, I have come close to the territory of “burnout.” A few weeks ago, I felt like I hit a brick wall at full tilt. I felt the compounding factors of the recovery from miscarriage, ongoing health struggles with my thyroid, the everyday struggles of living in a developing country, and watching the value of Brierly’s income diminish every day as the inflation rate climbs.

I had feelings of hopelessness, I had a negative attitude, I didn’t know the way forward. I cried so hard my eyes were still puffy the next day.

But can I share what happened right in the thick of the tears?

God spoke to me.

I opened up my bible to Psalms, and randomly chose Psalm 42.

Verse 3 hit me: My tears have been my food day and night …

Verse 5 challenged me: Why am I so depressed? Why this turmoil within me? Put your hope in God, for I will still praise Him, my Savior and my God.

And then verse 8 surrounded me: The Lord will send His faithful love by day; His song will be with me in the night— a prayer to the God of my life.

I still shed more tears after reading these verses, but wow, verse 8 showed me that God was right there with me and I can pray about these things to Him in the middle of my feelings. While I was still feeling down and out, I could pray and have hope.

The very next morning, I was able to chat with a new friend that let me know she was  also in a dry spell, in a wrestling match with her own brick walls, and that she was comforted by knowing she wasn’t the only one. I was comforted too. But we were only comforted because we both shared honestly.

Beyond that conversation, Brierly and I continued to have deep chats about what it looks like to stay in Zimbabwe under healthier conditions. How can we carry on with this mission we clearly have, knowing that God specifically called us to Matopos, while not knowing how we will buy all our groceries, let alone pay for medical needs, furbish the staff house that is being built for us, or save towards Charlotte’s schooling. We then concluded that we need to seriously pray about seeking support through fundraising.

This was not a decision we came to lightly, since we are both business-minded and would prefer to be working in a company that can make honest profits by selling excellent products and paying its employees well from the earnings. We appreciate organizations and ministries, but felt like since Brierly is from Zimbabwe, we shouldn’t have to be “missionaries” to his own country.

Well friends, I’m here to humble myself and say we can’t do it! Not only are we praying for guidance in seeking support, we also need to admit that we need care for ourselves in the sense of someone or a group looking out for our mental and social needs, so that we aren’t going it alone.

Can you pray for us? Here are some specifics:

-That God guides us in how to raise funds. Do we go with a sending agency? With a church? Raise money independently?

-That we can find small ways to be refreshed and that I don’t go back towards burnout.

-We just selected new apprentices to start at Ebenezer this Monday! Please pray that we welcome them well, that they feel God’s love from the very beginning, since many of them come from difficult circumstances, mixed understandings about who God is, and for some it is their first time away from their home village.

-We (Brierly, Charlotte, and I) plan to visit Michigan in August/September. Please pray for good flights, no travel complications that coronavirus might cause, and that there were be NO quarantine requirements coming back to Zimbabwe upon return.

-If we go forward with seeking sponsorship as we intend, we will have a lot of work to do while in Michigan. Please pray God makes a clear way forward in our short time there.

Charlotte with one of her friends on the farm.

---

Thank you, friends, for reading. Thank you for praying. Thank you for caring. Thank you for sharing this space with me where we can be courageous together.

Growing in Courage,

Mackenzie